grind(er) up on it, girl.

i have a riddle for you.

what is the best thing about a sandwich, and also the worst thing about a sandwich?

i’ll give you a few minutes to think about.

ok, i know you are impatient, so i’ll just tell you.  the best and worst thing about a sandwich is that it exists between two (or more) pieces of bread.  if the contents of the sandwich are soft and easily smashed, the sandwich becomes squishy (as is often the case with sandwiches containing avocado).  if the contents are rough or crispy, they can rip or pierce the bread, and then you basically just end up eating bits and pieces of your sandwich off the plate with your bare hands.

if only there were a way to circumvent these problems…

and as if god knew that you were having issues with your sliding, squishy sandwich, the skies parted and down from the heavens descended a perfect, pure, white puff of cloud.  and on the cloud was a grinder.

yes, the grinder.  why not hollow out the bread?  why not stuff anything you want into the cavity?  i can’t think of any good reason.  cheese, meat, veggies, and any kind of sauce you want.  that doesn’t sound amazing and innovative and delicious at all, does it?  well then, how about we bake it until the contents are melted and piping hot.

cue handel’s hallelujah chorus.

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re: strange horses and cooking on a budget

close your eyes and imagine you are a five-year-old.  it is your birthday, and your parents have tied a bandana around your head to cover your eyes with.  the time for presents has come, and when the big reveal finally happens, you find a mini-clydesdale standing in front of you.

it’s a horse, and as a five-year-old, you realize how awesome that is.  but once this realization passes, aren’t really sure where to go from here.  you don’t know if it will be your friend.  you don’t know if it is dangerous or not.  you aren’t even sure what an animal like a mini-clydesdale can be used for.  can you ride it?  do you take it for walks?  does it stay in your house or outside?  because you don’t know the answers to any of these questions, you just kind of stand there slack-jawed in surprise and excitement and confusion.

now imagine that you are you, and the mini-clydesdale is the perfect 10.  i gave you a list.  i did a good job of telling you why i made the list in the way i did.  but i didn’t really tell you what it is good for.

so now, i’m going to teach you how to ride the mini-clydesdale.  that’s right, it is recipe time.

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perfect 10: ingredients to live by (part ii)


there is a reason they called it stock, and that is because you should always have an inexhaustible supply of it.  i don’t know if that is actually why it is called stock, but if it isn’t, it should be.

stock comes in all different kinds, and that is why it is just so darn indispensable for a well-prepared cook.  chicken stock, beef stock, pork stock, fish-based stock (such as japanese dashi), and the myriad vegetable stocks that exist all have very different flavor profiles.  each can help you accomplish a particular goal in the kitchen.  try them out and see which one does best with your particular style of cooking.  if you can’t decide, it never hurts to have all of them on hand.

stock keeps remarkably well.  in the case of chicken, beef, and pork stock, it is regularly frozen in bags or cubes and stored.  it can then be used directly from the freezer.  in the case of fish stock, like dashi, or vegetable stocks, such as seaweed-based broths, they are often condensed into dry granules that can then be reconstituted when mixed with hot water.

there is no possible way that i can list all of the uses of stock without typing until my fingers bleed.  stock can be used as a flavorful alternative when boiling pasta, an aromatic base when steaming or broiling meat, the backbone of any good soup, a base flavor for sauce, or palette cleanser between the courses of a meal.  which is just to name of few of the more popular implementations.

it comes in a can pretty often in the states, but if you go to your local butcher shop often times you can find it frozen in a bag.  the stuff the butcher shop has is generally going to be a little fresher and a more pure, but for the difference in cost it might not matter to you.  remember, buy the stock you want for your recipe, and don’t be enticed by claims of “less fat” and “half the sodium.”  sometimes, your stock needs those things to function in the way you want it to, and to exclude the “fat” and “salt” from your broth can often be a recipe for bland food.

like any charcuterie will tell you, fat is your friend.

without stock, you would never be able to make things like bacon leek and potato chowder, real miso soup, any kind of gravy, white bean chicken chili, french onion soup, or beef stew.  i don’t even want to imagine a world without beef stew.  what a terrible, terrible place that would be.


don’t call me a fatty or judge me or anything yet.  butter is amazing, and yet on the whole completely misunderstood.  as much as i like to make fun of france, they understand a single tried and true fact more than most other countries.

very rarely is there such a thing as too much butter.  and while you may disagree with me based on your experiences, you are wrong.  don’t worry, i will tell you why.

salted butter is the bane of butter lovers everywhere.  if you had told me twenty five seconds ago that there is such as a thing as too much salted butter, i would have nodded in agreement and maybe given you a fist bump or something equally corny.  salted butter has extremely limited uses (e.g. for sauces, basting meats when grilling, and frying eggs).  even in situations for which it is well-suited, it can often ruin food when used in too great a quantity and might better be replaced with unsalted butter anyway.  i invite you now to throw salted butter aside.

those of you who have yet to get up from your chair to throw your salted butter in the garbage can are more likely than not bakers, whether professional or amateur.  baking, especially the creation of wonders like puff pastry and pie crust, involves the use of copious (see: appropriate, glorious) amounts of butter.  it is butter that provides these baked goods with their flakiness, their fluffiness, and the airy light texture we all know and love.

sure, you can spread it on things.  yeah, you can put it in a frying pan instead of vegetable oil.  ok, go ahead and put it on top of your baked potato.  but don’t sell butter short.  it is so much more than you ever could have imagined, and the mild creaminess of unsalted butter is an invitation to try to use it in whatever you can.  it won’t kill you, i promise.

we have butter to thank for mashed sweet potatoes, crepes, croissants, phyllo dough, baklava, the greatest grilled pork tenderloin recipes of all time, and most indian cuisine involving lentils (such as daal, which is fan-freaking-tastic).  the list goes on.


people who don’t like cucumbers need to learn to relax.  yeah, they are watery.  sure, the skin can tend to be a little bitter and the seeds can be a pain in the butt.  but don’t concentrate on the negatives.  concentrate on the crispness.  the bountiful, bountiful crispness.  the cucumber is a wonder because, despite the almost violent crunchy goodness, it has a flavor so mild and friendly that it seems to say “go fraternize with other vegetables, but know that when you come back, i’ll be waiting for you.”  and once you learn to effectively utilize the cucumber, you might never leave home again.

like spinach, cucumbers are absolutely delicious when raw.  unlike spinach, it is generally ill-advised to use cucumbers in any kind of cooking that involves heat.  yes, i can feel your incredulity through the internet.  trust me, i’ll explain.

why in the name of all that is holy would a vegetable that should never be cooked end up on a list of ingredients which is supposed to be comprised of the most essential groceries for cooking?

if you remember when i first described the concept of the perfect 10, the purpose of the list was not to provide a series of ingredients, each with a unique and complex flavor profile which could make or break your cuisine.  if that were the case, the perfect 10 would be rife with black truffles and iberian bacon and smoked gruyere cheese and the like.  but instead, the point of the perfect 10 is to provide cheap, versatile, long-lasting, and easily prepared foods to aid the common person in filling their belly and feeding their soul.

it is the “easy” portion of that description which most aptly fits cucumbers.  it is totally valid to criticize cucumbers for their inability to be cooked.  but such criticism cuts both ways.  cooking food with heat requires time and effort and preparations before the cooking part even begins.  preparing food without heat requires nothing but technique and a little bit of imagination.  start cooking potroast, and i’ll start making a salad.  we’ll see who ends up eating first.

or we could not do that, because i think you already know who will win.

cucumbers could easily be one of the fastest foods to prepare.  from the refrigerator to the serving dish, a beautiful, complex, and delicious cucumber salad can be prepared in under ten minutes with just a little bit of know-how.

and if you have a little more time, cucumbers can become something truly spectacular.  homemade pickles (or japanese sunomono) and tsatziki sauce are just two examples of excellent foods that can be prepared with a very few ingredients and almost no effort to speak of.  just remember to bring along cucumber’s three best friends: salt, garlic, and anything creamy.


yogurt is pretty good for you.  i think.  i honestly don’t know, because that doesn’t matter to me and it isn’t even close to the reason why i put it in the perfect 10.  so it must be on the list because it goes so well with fruit, right?  yeah, well, i don’t really ever eat fruit, so i’m not too sure about that one.  oh, so it must be on the list because it tastes like heaven when you pour honey on it.  so does everything else in the world, so we can throw that reason out with the rest of them.

i’m not trying to write you off.  yogurt with fruit at the bottom is really tasty, and using yogurt as the main ingredient in smoothies is a great idea.  and you aren’t wrong, yogurt with honey is great.  but yogurt was meant for so much more than being a creamy fruit/honey delivery system.

the bacterial cultures present in yogurt give it a chemically dynamic nature that milk and butter can’t even begin to hold a candle to.  granted, the living nature of yogurt can cause it to spoil quickly, burn, fall victim to over-mixing, or become a seemingly unending font of water.  but the good far outweighs the bad.

yogurt is a beautifully engineered, chemically complex powerhouse of possibilities.  to make yogurt from milk is a waste of time (for the average person), mainly because it would most likely be faster and cheaper to just go out and buy yogurt.  but to use yogurt as basic building block for the creation of much more expensive, harder-to-come-by foods is not only easy, but smart and cost-effective.  for instance, all you need to make a healthier version of sour cream is a drip coffee filter, a cup, a tub of plain yogurt, and time.  i know, i do it all the time.  and from this pseudo-sour cream to cheese (such as lebaneh), all you need is a little more time and lemon juice (or any other citrus-based acid).  starting to understand why yogurt is on this list?

i won’t lie to you, yogurt can take some practice to use effectively.  but once you start to embrace the practical chemistry of its uses, you will find yourself becoming a more self-sufficient person and a more practical cook.

canned tomatoes

“well, if you are such a good cook, why don’t you use real tomatoes, huh?”  i do.  pretty regularly.  but there are a few questions about real tomatoes that can get in the way of a good cooking session.  for instance:

how do you know if a tomato is ripe?  what do you do with the seeds?  what do you do with the skin?  why is the tomato green on the inside?  why is the tomato grainy and not very good?  where the heck is all this water coming from?  what is the difference between all these types of tomatoes?

and with canned tomatoes, all these questions can go away in the blink of an eye.  can you make all the same recipes as you would have been able to with fresh tomatoes?  simple answer, no.  bruschetta with canned tomatoes is terrible.  pico de gallo with canned tomatoes is terrible.  margarita pizza with canned tomatoes is terrible.  i think you get the idea.

but instead of these recipes (most of which aren’t exactly price or time-friendly), you can make some simpler, more suitable meals for a fraction of the price.  canned tomatoes, when utilized appropriately, can cut down on preparatory time, cost, amount of seasoning required, and even cleanup.  but there is one advantage to canned tomatoes that often goes overlooked.

reliability.  canned tomatoes are pretty darn consistent.  when you pop that can lid, very rarely are you going to be surprised by what comes out.  the tomatoes will be soft, they will be contained in their own juice, and there may be a little bit of salt added for the sake of preservation.  fresh tomatoes, however, could be one of the most unreliable fruits around.  even an expert occasionally picks out and pays for a tomato that just isn’t good.  i would estimate that for every three fresh tomatoes i have purchased in the grocery store, at least one was mealy, not ripe yet, too soft, bruised, or severely lacking in usable flesh.  there are just so many things that can go wrong with fresh tomatoes, and while 3:1 is a pretty good success ratio, it isn’t nearly good enough for somebody who is living on a budget.  25% of your food going to waste just isn’t cost effective.

and so instead of the bruschettas and pico de gallos and margarita pizzas, i invite you to make foods that are a little more conservative.  homemade tomato sauce, tomato-based curry, dark chocolate mole, chili, beef stew, and minestrone are all rib-sticking, delicious meals in and of themselves, and the quantities in which they can be produced can save you from having to cook every day.  just something to keep in mind.

are canned tomatoes a shortcut to good food?  you bet your butt they are, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.